My little cupcake

Staying true to the fact that this little girl has a mind of her own, we didn't sing happy birthday or blow out candles and she really didn't eat her cupcake. This kid definitely has an opinion or two. But hey, she makes life more interesting. More than that she makes life wonderful. I can't believe my baby is 2.

Happy birthday Stella.

Rain, rain, go away

I read months ago that this was supposed to be an El Nino year and from the weather the last couple of weeks I'm guessing they were correct. I think we've had one day where the sun broke through for a couple of hours. It feels like it's been gloomy for eternity. I know that Northern California could use the rain but I am totally over it already.

Even with all her new toys from Christmas and her birthday Stella would much rather be outside. I took her on one short errand today and I desperately wanted to find another reason to stay out so we went to the park. Shocker, it was all wet. Stella climbed around for awhile and seemed to enjoy that but she really wanted to go down the slide, it's her favorite. Luckily she understood that the slides were wet and we didn't have any problems but after awhile I realized the park just isn't the best idea in this wet weather. Boo.

As for me I think I may have Seasonal Affective Disorder because I've been kinda bummy the last couple of days. I don't think I need to be put on suicide watch but I'll keep you posted. Kidding, kidding. I think I'm just bored and I don't want to clean and I'm so not creative. What's a pregnant mama to do? At least I have yoga tonight. That's something to look forward to. Maybe I can get my aura cleansed with some sun salutations.

Rain, rain, go away. Come again another day.

Sweet relief

Dare I say my evil pregnant twin has left the building? Lately I have been feeling the absence of the edge that has been hanging out with me since early in this pregnancy. My evil twin would be irritated with everyone and everything around her and nobody, especially her husband, could do anything right! Believe me this drove me nuts as much as my family, although Mike probably wouldn't agree with that. I think I hate the hormones almost as much as I hate morning sickness. At least with morning sickness there is a visible reason for any crankiness, just look in my toilet. I also think, and this is a little unfortunate, that it could be because the holidays are past. Isn't that sad? Why do we stress so much over things that are supposed to be joyous?

Anyway, I feel the Lord has exorcised my demons! Or at least I'm having a nice vacation from them. Recently I decided I needed to be a little more proactive in my mental and physical health. I have taken almost a year hiatus from the practice of yoga but this week I went twice. I swear I can't even remember the last time I was that relaxed or calm. I kept making excuses about money, time etc. but no more excuses, my sanity is on the line! I hope I can continue even when I'm waddling to and from class.

Why is exercise so hard anyway? It is so good for you but most of us just don't make the time or effort, me included. I am all or nothing when it comes to exercise. I would rather be a here and there than an all or nothing because when it's nothing I mean nothing. This makes it so much harder to get started because you are out of a routine and out of shape, a very unmotivating combination. I guess pregnancy really forces you to take care of yourself it's just too bad I don't do it as well on my own. Even if my hormones do bring back the evil one from time to time I hope that the exercise will tame her to a tolerable level. Lets hope.

Family rocks!

Going to bed last night I realized my family really came through for me yesterday. Nobody did anything miraculous but all the little things really helped me out a lot. Starting in the morning with my mom. Stella decided 5 am was a good time to wake up so our morning was kinda crappy. She was tired and really whiny. Yesterday was one of those days where you have a child attached to your leg all day crying "Mommy, mommy". Even when I was holding her it was "mommy, mommy"! Ahhhh! I'm right here, geez! Anyway, I was talking on the phone to my mom, or trying to talk to her but Stella was just not having it. I told my mom that I had to go. We went to play with Stella's toys in the front room and two minutes later I see my mom pull up. I opened the door with "Grandma to the rescue"! We see each other often but for her to just come right over like that was awesome. She stayed for a good hour or more and played with Stella the whole time. Thanks mom!

My brother also came over in the morning to pick up and get rid of our Christmas tree. I texted him the day before to ask him if he could and he said no problem. So he came over before work just to get my tree, so cool of him. Also my Grandma, who is 83 totally came through. I needed to go into work for a couple hours to help clean the restaurant and last minute she agreed to watch Stella for me. Needless to say I went to bed last night thinking my family was pretty awesome.

We are all pretty close but that doesn't mean we always get along. Infact we bicker and get on each other's nerves alot. Days like yesterday just make so thankful to have family I can count on. We aren't always perfect but I sure do love them.

What pregnancy?

It is interesting to see how different one pregnancy can be from another. Especially from your first to your second. I don't know if this makes me a bad mother but the romance of this pregnancy is totally not the same. With the first I spent so much time day dreaming about what it would be like to be pregnant and I relished in every change of my body. Even the bad changes weren't so bad. Let me tell you that is not how its happening this time around. I'm not super excited about everything that is growing and I'm to darn busy chasing a toddler around to day dream about having another baby. Its a little sad that I don't have the same amount of time to obsess over this baby. I used to watch three different baby shows on TLC EVERY DAY. Now I have no idea when they would be on and I haven't given two thoughts to how I will decorate the nursery. This poor kid.

I'm sure as my belly and butt get bigger I will start to feel differently, and think more about this baby. But it sure is different when you already have a child that takes up the majority of your focus. I actually have a lot to be thankful for though because if this pregnancy weren't as easy as it is I'm sure I'd be thinking about it a lot more. I'm probably cursing myself as I type this. Watch, tomorrow morning I will wake up with hemorrhoids, sweet. Although I must say carrying around an almost 30 Lb kid all day doesn't feel so great on my back. So its not all roses. We should be finding out in a few weeks what the sex is which is exciting. I think after that I will be able to really imagine another little person in this house. How I'm going to do it, who knows.

Its a big one

At the end of this month I will be turning 30. Surprisingly enough I'm not freaking out. I know many people that have stressed over this milestone but for me, ehh, no biggie. If I think back ten years to where I thought I was going to be at this age I'm pretty darn close. Geez, maybe I didn't set big enough goals for myself. I always knew I wanted to be married, check. And I definitely wanted kids, check, soon to be double check. I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel my age. Is that weird? I'm not sure. I guess with every birthday I've always felt younger than my actual age but after having kids I don't feel so young anymore. I'm not saying I'm old, just not 23.

So what do I see in my thirties? I guess now is as good a time as any to think about that. Obviously my first priority and what consumes most of my time is my family. Stella will be two, the day after me. Wow. And we will be having baby number 2 in early June. So its safe to say that my thirties will most likely be spent catering to every desire of their sweet little hearts. I have a feeling those years are going to fly by. I'm about to have a two year old for goodness sake, where did my baby go! I am good with that role too, wife, mother, homemaker. It works for me. However, I feel like I need to explore me. Sounds a little strange but I want to figure out what really makes me tick. Will I have a passion in life? Or find great interest in something new? These are things that aren't so clear when you spend most of your time thinking about and caring for others.

Life is a journey though isn't it? We spend our whole lives getting to know our true selves. I 'm not sure I ever want to feel like I have it all figured out but a better idea would be nice. I guess you could say I am content with being in the process. And this is new to me.

Mommy Meltdown

I like to take Stella to mother goose on the loose. It is at the public library's in my area where babies and toddlers listen and interact by saying and doing hand motions to nursery rhymes. Sounds cute right? Well not if your Stella. I keep trying to take her thinking she will eventually enjoy but I give up! I look at every other kids in there smiling and giggling with their mommies, but nooooooo, not Stella. If I sing one word she starts screeching and whining like I just did the most awful thing ever, cute huh? We went this morning and after her first little outburst I took her outside to discipline her, rather than causing a scene. Then we go back in to try it again. I give up trying to participate with her and sit there quietly. But when its time to turn in their scarves Stella is not having it. Every other kid is walking up to the librarian turning in their scarves but when I tell Stella its time to turn in her scarf she starts yelling and throwing things. Not because she wants the scarf but because I told her what to do.

Its days like this when I don't even like my own kid! Don't judge me, I heard you gasp. I get over it quickly but not without a few tears myself. It doesn't happen often but I hate feeling that way. I don't think my pregnancy hormones are helping because today we both left the library in tears. I can't even sing to the radio in the car without her getting mad! I'm not trying to annoy her I promise! It feels like we've just skipped straight to the teenage years where mom can't do anything right. It is exhausting.

My mom tells me Stella thinks she "rules the roost", but she is in for a rude awakening! I am reclaiming my roost and if I want to sing 'Grease lightening' or 'Summer lovin' then I am darn sure gonna do it! Stella, my love, you are not the boss of me. You're not, you're not, you're not!!!